World Wide Revolution(Satire)

Please keep in mind this is purely satirical and while this is a short, odd rant keep your mind focused on the humorous side. All criticism welcome. Thanks! 
So much revolting going on around the globe. Rebel groups, coups, militant terrorist organizations, protestors, rigged elections, Brexit, Trump. To be honest these things excite me. Of course sometimes they shock, surprise, appall, upset or frighten me to an extent. But ultimately, I enjoy watching and experiencing it. When it comes to these events, I take a stance I first developed hearing George Carlin say this: “When you’re born in the world you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America you get a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there and watch with a notebook. I’m a notebook guy.” Me too George, me too. Because ultimately, what’s it matter? Civilizations rise, then they fall. We get only a short time here so enjoy it. But there’s one revolution I’m waiting for. One that the human species really deserves. For all of the terrible things we have done to the environment, ecosystems, the North Pole, various species, rain forests, etc. Im waiting for an animal revolution. A full out attack on human beings orchestrated by nature. Now, I’m not talking about those pussy planet of the apes movies. I’m talking all species. I pray for the day when Mother Nature realizes most of humanity is nothing more than a virus destroying this planet. I wanna see apes riding on the back of elephants, with spears and just brute force taking over small cities. Giant birds picking people up and tossing them. Rhinos running through buildings. People getting mauled on the street by lions and tigers and bears. Oh my! I wish for this to happen. I await the day when animals evolve to this level of intelligence and stop taking our shit. Zoos will be like military outposts with human slaves. And could you imagine the media coverage on this? The fights between liberals and conversations? We have debates in this country on whether or not droning terrorists is okay. Imagine the outcry from liberals if a couple cute little chimpanzees strangle a few kids at a zoo. “Oh they’re just troubled.” “You should have only tranquilizer him.” Conservatives would be like “Forget this I’m killing the God damn animals myself!” Oh it’d be hilarious. 


4 thoughts on “World Wide Revolution(Satire)

  1. It’s not the animals, it’s the plants. Have you tried intentionally killing Japanese Knotweed? Nope, can’t be done, it always comes back. Hence we’ll kill all the animals, then we’ll all die from floods of polar meltwater and all that will be left is what was there to start off with before complex life got going. Yep, Japanese Knotweed. Probably.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “And could you imagine the media coverage on this?” I wonder which animal will be in charge of the media then; an emasculated republican elephant, a dying democratic donkey or a group of babbling monkeys? Oh no, pray tell, the group of babbling monkeys is the White House Press Corp. Ah well, maybe we will never get to hear about the new Animal Farm.

    Liked by 1 person

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